All a Woman Really Wants Is an Offensive Tackle…
When the former Cincinnati Bengals’ quarterback Carson Palmer and his Raiders came to town, most people expected some tension and high emotions. For the most part, the Bengals let their play do the talking with four sacks and eight hits on Palmer en route to a 34-10 smashing of the reeling Raiders. Bengals’ fans even got in on some fifth quarter action of their own as they poured beer on Carson Palmer’s head as he exited the stadium. However, it was the melee on the field with 7:16 left in the fourth quarter that has everyone still talking. Raiders’ defensive end, Lamarr Houston, took a cheap shot on Andy Dalton after a play was clearly whistled dead. Well, Bengals’ left offensive tackle, Andrew Whitworth, did NOT appreciate it at all. He came across the field to “confront” Houston. By confront, I mean he headbutted him with his helmet. Benches cleared and an all out brawl ensued.
Now, how does this explain why all a woman really wants is an offensive tackle in her life? Check out this quote from Whitworth after the fight and his subsequent ejection from the game: “I’ve got two contracts in my life. One, with my wife, because we’re married. And, two, I’ve got a contract to protect Andy Dalton. I’ll do both of those to the best of my ability.” Uhm, give me a minute, I’m still swooning…
Okay, what lessons do we learn here?
1) A man recognizes that a marriage is a contract for life with his wife, and he commits to honoring that contract to the best of his ability. I mean, really, do you need me to break this down any further for you?
2) A man playing the left offensive tackle position protects the quarterback’s blindside. Whitworth takes that job so seriously that I don’t see too many other opponents trying to sneak in cheap shots on Andy Dalton and then face the wrath of a 6’7”, 335 lb angry man. Now tell me what woman doesn’t want a man that will protect her from anything and anyone!?!
3) A man places his wife and family above everything else. In all his outrage, Whitworth was still very clear as to where his priorities are. By his own profession, his first contract is with his wife. Even Andy Dalton comes second to that one.
Okay, cue the romantic movie music soundtrack right now as I watch endless loops of Sunday’s “Brawl at Paul Brown.” Hey, anybody know of some single offensive tackles out there? The NFL Big Men clearly deserve love too!